yesterday, & described what happened to her for the last time. It IS over! Never to be mentioned again…that’s a HUGE part of getting through this! On to bigger & better things! What next? I don’t know, but it really doesn’t concern me…I know God has me & He won’t let me down! I actually CREDIT God for getting me out of this situation! My faith has actually GROWN because of this, I believe! I KNOW my attitude has gotten BETTER! I hardly ever think negative anymore! Who would’ve known that something so good would have come from something painful? That’s not to say I WANT to go through it again, but I DO feel it served a helpful purpose in my life!
to having to deal with false profiles & stuff…what I want to know is, how do these Russian broads get my danged profile? I’m not on any dating sites, & it will be awhile before I do that crap again! Besides, 9 times out of 10, they’re pure garbage! I’m trying not to be cynical, but when almost every woman you meet wants you to pay their way over, it gets pretty monotonous, pretty fast! Anyway, I’m not too upset about this, as I’m throwing it all to God. I’m not in too much of a hurry after this last bout, after all! I’ve forgiven her (my recent ex), but like a friend said, “forgive from a distance”,… Wiser words have never been spoken! I’m still determined NOT to be negative, though!!!
& will tell about the breakup one more time because she needs to know, & then, I will NEVER talk about it again. I’m over the shit. I’m still on meds, thank God.
About 3:50 p.m., Lisa Graham came to my office & told me someone reported to her that I was balancing my checkbook instead of working…I asked her who reported me; she wouldn’t tell me. I told her that I had already gotten a lot of work done that day & that yes, I balanced my checkbooks about midday & then went back to work. I was upset. She told me to calm down & don’t balance my checkbook at work. I asked her again who it was, & again, she wouldn’t tell me.
About 4:30 p.m., I was up in the front office, waiting for closing time (5 p.m.), & Lisa told me I needed to trim my beard. I said, “No, I think it’s ok.” She said that she wasn’t asking.
Time to start over! I have “things with the family” to deal with, first. I’m not saying what it is, because it’s personal, but my parents need my full attention now, so the other stuff needs to be put on hold.
I’ve spent about two nights of 90 minutes of sleep thinking about what went wrong & what I could’ve done better to avoid this relationship breakdown, & I’ve come to the conclusion that there was nothing I could have done to frigging avoid it…which in some ways hurts even more…because I take that to mean it was a flat-out waste of 18months of my life which I’ll never get back! Truth be told, I never have been good with women, …I’m almost always relegated the dreaded “Friend Zone”…I have a “running-nightmare scenario” that Rod Serling is going to appear at the end of my life, saying shit like, “Kerry Corley Jr., his whole life,… was trapped…in “The Friend Zone”…DO-do-do-do-DO-do-do-do! That scares me to death! My GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?! It took me 41years to find this one that I just broke up with,…how long will it take until I find the next (or finally find the) one??? I’ll put it this way, if I were captured by the Taliban, & given the choice of finding a wife within 6 months from the day I was captured or die, I would have to tell them, “Aww shit, just just shoot me right now, & get it over with, because the chances of me finding a woman 6months from now, are exactly nil to zero!!!” Jesus! Granted, I’ve got an overall better attitude now, but this REALLY scares the shit out of me!!!