I need to quit beating myself up.

I’ve spent about two nights of 90 minutes of sleep thinking about what went wrong & what I could’ve done better to avoid this relationship breakdown, & I’ve come to the conclusion that there was nothing I could have done to frigging avoid it…which in some ways hurts even more…because I take that to mean it was a flat-out waste of 18months of my life which I’ll never get back!  Truth be told, I never have been good with women, …I’m almost always relegated the dreaded “Friend Zone”…I have a “running-nightmare scenario” that Rod Serling is going to appear at the end of my life, saying shit like, “Kerry Corley Jr., his whole life,… was trapped…in “The Friend Zone”…DO-do-do-do-DO-do-do-do!  That scares me to death!  My GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?!  It took me 41years to find this one that I just broke up with,…how long will it take until I find the next (or finally find the) one???  I’ll put it this way, if I were captured by the Taliban, & given the choice of finding a wife within 6 months from the day I was captured or die, I would have to tell them, “Aww shit, just just shoot me right now, & get it over with, because the chances of me finding a woman 6months from now, are exactly nil to zero!!!”  Jesus!  Granted, I’ve got an overall better attitude now, but this REALLY scares the shit out of me!!!

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