…friends who have been constantly checking on me & asking about me. I’m going to be fine. Here’s some of my future plans: 1. after I get back into dating, I would like some help (i.e. if you have single female friends in the Panama City, Florida area, mentioning me & trying to set me up would be appreciated!), 2. I plan to continue on my attitude readjustment (God knows, I need it!), 3. I’m continuing to get my finances back on track, 4. stay busy, 5. stay calm, collected, & focused on what my goals are, 6. stay on my medications, 7. continue cleaning out things that I don’t want or need in my life, 8. stay away from negative things & attracted to positive things, & 9. watch my thoughts.
Of course, I wasn’t expecting anything, anyway. I’m still slowly working on my new profile. I joined two local Facebook sites for my town a couple of months ago, but really not active on them yet. I may have trust issues in the future – because the last one was seeing someone behind my back for a while (I don’t know how long she was doing it) – but we’ll see…Lord, I hope not…the LAST thing I need is trust issues!
Steve committed suicide, & part of me still feels like 10 lbs. of shit in an 8 lb. bag. I know, it’s natural, & I will get over it, but my point is that this is natural, & I’m not wallowing in this. I’m going to be ok. I’m not depressed or anything like that….& I’m also not blaming myself or anything nonsensical like that. This is the 3rd time I’ve faced suicide in my life that I can remember,…. the first was a friend of my mom’s, & the second was one of my cousins. I consider myself as having a “dark side” to myself & I always have (Hence, I’m a BIG fan of Wolverine on the Marvel side & Batman on the DC side). When I say, “dark side”, I don’t mean an evil side…I mean, a “don’t fuck with me, or you’ll regret it side”…which has ONLY shown up twice in my 44 year long life that I can recollect….Thank God,…but I digress, the point is, that I’m feeling overwhelmingly positive about my personal life lately,…& that’s good!
The funeral for Steve Smith is tomorrow…I don’t know how I’m going to react. I’m ok for right now, but I’m dreading it.
I’m doing fine…keeping positive…still taking my meds…keeping my head up. I found out that some of my bodybuilding brothers & sisters want to do a tribute to Steve at the show in May. So, I’m in the process of trying to get 3 or 4 photos of Steve in various stages of his life, so they can use them at the show, in the tribute,…that will eventually help me to let go, I’m hoping. So, I’m basically doing ok,…& will be ok 🙂
that a long-time friend of mine, Steve Smith, killed himself. He was my trainer for my first two bodybuilding competitions. He was in a lot of physical pain. This stinks, but I know God has him now.
still working on my new profile, slowly but surely, taking my time with it, making sure it IS positive & not anything else. Still fighting with a bit of negativity here & there, but nothing serious. Gotten on two local dating sites for Panama City Singles on Facebook, but not really active with them yet. Not really wanting to rush it, either. Just enjoying being single for now (NEVER thought I would say THAT).