I would like to thank all my…

…friends who have been constantly checking on me & asking about me.  I’m going to be fine.  Here’s some of my future plans:  1. after I get back into dating, I would like some help (i.e. if you have single female friends in the Panama City, Florida area, mentioning me & trying to set me up would be appreciated!),  2. I plan to continue on my attitude readjustment (God knows, I need it!),  3. I’m continuing to get my finances back on track,  4. stay busy,  5. stay calm, collected, & focused on what my goals are,  6. stay on my medications,  7. continue cleaning out things that I don’t want or need in my life,  8. stay away from negative things & attracted to positive things, & 9. watch my thoughts.

Well, nothing’s happened today…

Of course, I wasn’t expecting anything, anyway.  I’m still slowly working on my new profile.  I joined two local Facebook sites for my town a couple of months ago, but really not active on them yet.  I may have trust issues in the future – because the last one was seeing someone behind my back for a while (I don’t know how long she was doing it) – but we’ll see…Lord, I hope not…the LAST thing I need is trust issues!

It’s almost been a week since…

Steve committed suicide, & part of me still feels like 10 lbs. of shit in an 8 lb. bag.  I know, it’s natural, & I will get over it, but my point is that this is natural, & I’m not wallowing in this.  I’m going to be ok.  I’m not depressed or anything like that….& I’m also not blaming myself or anything nonsensical like that.   This is the 3rd time I’ve faced suicide in my life that I can remember,…. the first was a friend of my mom’s, & the second was one of my cousins.  I consider myself as having a “dark side” to myself & I always have (Hence, I’m a BIG fan of Wolverine on the Marvel side & Batman on the DC side).  When I say,  “dark side”, I don’t mean an evil side…I mean, a “don’t fuck with me, or you’ll regret it side”…which has ONLY shown up twice in my 44 year long life that I can recollect….Thank God,…but I digress, the point is, that I’m feeling overwhelmingly positive about my personal life lately,…& that’s good!

I’m going to HATE tomorrow!

The funeral for Steve Smith is tomorrow…I don’t know how I’m going to react.  I’m ok for right now, but I’m dreading it.

Ok…

I’m  doing fine…keeping positive…still taking my meds…keeping my head up.  I found out that some of my bodybuilding brothers & sisters want to do a tribute to Steve at the show in May.  So, I’m in the process of trying to get 3 or 4 photos of Steve in various stages of his life, so they can use them at the show, in the tribute,…that will eventually help me to let go, I’m hoping.   So, I’m basically doing ok,…& will be ok 🙂

Just found out about 9am this morning…

that a long-time friend of mine, Steve Smith, killed himself.  He was my trainer for my first two bodybuilding competitions.  He was in a lot of physical pain.  This stinks, but I know God has him now.

Still doing fine…

still working on my new profile, slowly but surely, taking my time with it, making sure it IS positive & not anything else.  Still fighting with a bit of negativity here & there, but nothing serious.  Gotten on two local dating sites for Panama City Singles on Facebook, but not really active with them yet.  Not really wanting to rush it, either.  Just enjoying being single for now (NEVER thought I would say THAT).

The Russian …

says she’ll be coming  in April 18, I’ll believe it when I see it. Holding my breath.

Still am doing ok…

going to have blood work done on Friday.  Doesn’t bother me; never has.  Have to get one more thing back from Joy that I almost forgot about; rather not, but that’s how it is.

Even though I’m not dating right now…

& won’t be until at least July or even later…I am working on my new profile!  I’m going to take my time with it, & make sure it’s really positive & bright.  I’ve also made plans to get new pictures made sometime in May or June.  If anyone wants to make any suggestions on how to make my profile better, or how to make it more noticeable, or more positive,…I welcome them!  Until then, I’m just going to concentrate on doing what I want to do, & having fun with MY friends!  I’m still not bitter about the breakup; it needed to happen.  If I do it right, I’ll finally be able to pay my credit card off at the end of April!  So, I got that going for me,… which is nice (sorry about that; shades of Bill Murray, too much Caddy Shack).  I’m not nearly as worried about finding a girlfriend this time.  I think, last time, I just needed proof that it could happen to me, as stupid as that sounds!  But one rule, NO Russian OR Overseas bitches, because they’re NEVER real!  I guess they all think American men are rich, because the first thing they want you to do is pay their way over!  Now I’m not rich, & I do make a decent living, but I’m NOT paying some loony lady’s, that I barely know, way over here.  I have my standards!  I guess I must have the word “Schmuck” written all over each picture I have, because that’s all I seem to get (“send me money, send me money!” Yeah, right…if I sent them money, they’d probably go buy a bunch of potatoes to make Vodka with, lol!).  I’m not being negative here, I’m being truthful,…I’ve had friends that have tried dating Russian women, only to get shafted…well, not this nephew of Uncle Sam!  I grew up in the Cold War, you NEVER trust Russians!   I also don’t trust Muslims, either!